i'm yr monster. i'm not like you.

Wed, 24 May 2006 01:41:42 GMT

yo

sup?

Tue, 06 Sep 2005 03:25:15 GMT

interests:
bike riding
ice cold water
kate wadkins on long island
me at purchase
good friends
good times
ryan woodhall in rockville centre
quitting my job someday

aw shit. life is good.

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 12:55:32 GMT

yo i wish i had a digi camera to
take pictures of myself to show everyone
take pictures of my body and post them
take pictures of me doing every drug imaginable because its the hip thing
take pictures of me making out with my boyfriend cause thats cool

PSYCH

Sun, 30 Jan 2005 01:28:40 GMT

my sister is sitting on my lap typing this to you right now.
we are in my cousin's room looking at various posters on the wall:

- american flag with THESE COLORS DON'T RUN on it, with a portrait of jesus pinned to it
- mark messier of the new york rangers
- 4 MORE YEARS
- I am an American. NATIONAL RIGHT TO LIFE: Your Voice for Life in Washington and Across the Nation
- Miller Lite girl
- I WANT YOU FOR U.S. ARMY
- EWING (of the New York Knicks)
- KEEPERS OF THE SEA, navy battle ships and planes
- the statue of liberty giving the finger, caption reads: WE'RE COMING, MOTHERFUCKERS.

now for the bumper stickers on the door:
- AMERICANS kick ASS
- Don't F#@K WITH UNCLE SAM
- IRISH and Proud of it!
- LACROSSE UNLIMITED
- F@#K TERRORISM
- WWJD(WHAT WOULD JESUS DO)Hand painted and carved plaque.

why isn't this kid my best friend?

Sun, 28 Nov 2004 23:05:30 GMT

i love these two people so much.

wednesday night i went to the city.
friday night i went to a potluck & show & a friends house.
saturday i saw old friends and it was darrens birthday
i also had an awesome sleep over with jackie & kathryn
today i did errands and got coffee with other friends.
this weekend made me miss hanging out with people because for
the most part i like to be by myself. but seriously.these past couple
of days have been awesome.

"i watched you leave.you were smiling.i always want to remember you happy.i guess this is goodbye."

Thu, 25 Nov 2004 07:41:58 GMT

city trip.
fancy dinner.
cheese cake & cappucino.
walking.
& loving the shit out
of eachother.
THATS what friends are
made of.

I DON'T REMEMBER WHEN THINGS STARTED TO FEEL SO BITTER!

Thu, 18 Nov 2004 03:22:10 GMT

"phones work both ways

just like friendships do.

if i ever called you my

bestfriend i lied.

my beds got you beat."

a very close friend of mine said this to a friend she once had who was lost in all the commotion of life. he forgot what slowing down was. i feel like that with a lot of my friends. its just something i'm afraid to come to terms with.

am i wicked.am i right.or am i just reactant all the time?

Tue, 16 Nov 2004 04:53:01 GMT

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	jessica clare wadkins.
Birthday:	march twenty-fifth. nineteen eighty-eight.
Birthplace:	long island.
Current Location:	long island.
Eye Color:	dark brown.
Hair Color:	dark brown.
Height:	a 5"3' to 5"4" range. depending on the day.
Right Handed or Left Handed:	left handed yo!
Your Heritage:	british & irish.
The Shoes You Wore Today:	sambas.
Your Weakness:	i can't deal with:change,anxiety,awkward situations,big social groups,fucked up issues, so a lot of the time i avoid dealing or approaching them.
Your Fears:	getting lost, friends dying, and other things i wouldn't post on the internet.
Your Perfect Pizza:	any slice of pizza in new yorkcity,brooklyn,queens,longisland.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	deal with things in a better manor. become more idenpendant.get my liscense,love my family more, write a zine.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	haha.sucka.yo.ridiculous.& seriously.
Thoughts First Waking Up:	brush teeth.
Your Best Physical Feature:	my heart shaped freckle//mole on my jaw line.
Your Bedtime:	no sleep ever.
Your Most Missed Memory:	mostly time spent with my sister & the past two summers. also my time spent with my grandfather.
Pepsi or Coke:	COKE!
MacDonalds or Burger King:	fuck em' both.
Single or Group Dates:	depends on my mood. single when you want to get to know someone better group dates when yr with people you love and yr doing something positve and prodcutive.
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	neither. my motherz iced tea.
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate.
Cappuccino or Coffee:	which ever is cheaper.
Do you Smoke:	on occasion.
Do you Swear:	like a sailor.
Do you Sing:	in the shower.
Do you Shower Daily:	hahaha. noooo.
Have you Been in Love:	rough subject? after thinking it out i'm not so sure anymore. i was young and uneducated.
Do you want to go to College:	more than anything right now.
Do you want to get Married:	nope.
Do you belive in yourself:	for the most part.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	on roller coasters. [does that count?]
Do you think you are Attractive:	not particularly.on very rare occasions.
Are you a Health Freak:	no. eat what you want.
Do you get along with your Parents:	sometimes and not sometimes.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	i love watching thunderstorms with my sister.
Do you play an Instrument:	i play bass. i have to put together this drumset in my basement. and eventually i want to play guitar.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	nope.
In the past month have you Smoked:	yuup.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	nope.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	with my grlz.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	nope.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	most defenitely.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	nope.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	nope.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	haha. YEAH RIGHT. its fuckin' freeeeezing out.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	yuup.
Ever been Drunk:	mmhm.
Ever been called a Tease:	if i ever was i hope i punched whoever said that in the face.
Ever been Beaten up:	by my brother.
Ever Shoplifted:	obvs.
How do you want to Die:	MASTRUBATING. haha. i don't know?!
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	i'm not sure. a teacher. a writer.a coffee house owner. a clothes maker.a lover.
What country would you most like to Visit:	England.
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	anything besides these ridiculous coloured contacts that are bright pink and green and purple. what up with thaaaaat?
Favourite Hair Color:	my friends change their hair like they change their underwear. anything goes.
Short or Long Hair:	look above.
Height:	i don't give a.
Weight:	i don't give a.
Best Clothing Style:	anything goes.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	two.
Number of CDs I own:	mad cds.
Number of Piercings:	im getting three piercings in a couple of days. my ears peirced. and my left cartilage.
Number of Tattoos:	a heart thing with my best friend jackie on my wrist very very soon.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	too many to even begin to count.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 01:55:46 GMT

i kind of love everything
right now.its all just come
together and feels like it
fits just right. i don't want
things to get worse everything
is great right now. i've spent
a while getting you the fuck out
of my life and somehow you crawl
back in. why though?

<3 jess.

ps. sometimes i miss kate more than
i love her and sometimes i love her
more than i miss her. eitherway it
hurts real bad everyday.

Tue, 26 Oct 2004 23:44:43 GMT

ATTENTION ! DANIEL VOTKE & KEIRAN MORRIS. ARE YOU READING WHAT I'M READING?
APPARENTLY I DREAM BIG.

Your Erotic LJ dream by cozzette

username

you went to bed feeling

You began to dream about

static_piano

who was

giving you oral

your bed

with

thier hands tied

which made you

scream

but was interupted by

unfeigned_cadre

who began to

join in

You awoke

thinking:@#%$^&*#$@%

and you hope

that dreams do come true

chance of that happening:: 69%

Quiz created with MemeGen!

it hasn't been my day in years. what a couple more?

Thu, 21 Oct 2004 01:54:47 GMT

deathcab this friday
next weekend purchase.
school is awesome.
new friends are really awesome.
serenading sweet ladiez is awesome.
and writing and feeling great is even better.
i like this.
lets keep this.
except today.
my mother is not so happy with me.
but thats always old news.
whatev.
not complaining.

love yrself.
jess!<3

Fri, 08 Oct 2004 00:49:52 GMT

five thrty is the most beautiful time in the fall. everything is at peace. the earth isn't quite asleep yet, itd in this dreamy state. you know the half awake state. where everything is of a different perception. life is timeless. so i sit down on my back deck and watch the suns rays fly across the sky. at that very moment i thought of all the things that make up the earth. and how beautiful they are. its six o clock. the sun is a child struggling for ten more minutes to stay up to watch late night telelvision. maybe everyone needs to do this. during the fall we should all go out on our decks at five thirty and watch the earth live. watch the sky fall asleep. i feel like friends or people for this matter, don't see things this beautiful. you have to have time or make time. i want to make time for mother nature. you know. tell her i care and apriciate not having to spend a dime or a phone call to enjoy something. nature is a phenomenon. the sun finally set. the sky was black. i walked upstairs and suddenly felt defeated. the world isn't such disaster sometimes. you just really have to look.

confused with a capital K.

Sun, 03 Oct 2004 21:53:23 GMT

i hate the internet.
even though i communicate on it
most of the time. i feel like i
sould like a really upity,annoying,
stupid person but in real like i'm
this ridiculous,sarcastic,dry,person
who is an asshole as a joke and loves
to have long conversations and is hyper
on occasion.its frustrating cause i hate
what my internet personality is like.
gossssh.

ps. where i describe what i'm really like
it sounds like i'm on a dating service online.
one of those. "if you like me press 9." type
deals. ohhh fuck it.

Sat, 02 Oct 2004 06:02:15 GMT

my planned night crashed and burned
but suprisingly walking into town
was the greatest idea i had.
hungout with astounding people.
saw shaun of the dead which
was very very humorous.
missing katherine e. wadkins.
diner date with ms. susan belle
tomorrow night. i'm going to dress
up and wear perfume and everthing.
haha.

xoxoxoxox <3!
jessica c. wadkins

Thu, 16 Sep 2004 15:18:43 GMT

i'm at purchase.
i'm waiting for kate to come and wake me
up and bring me to her class.
i love it here and never want to leave.
seriously.

<3 jess

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 23:36:23 GMT

saw susan belle at one am.
met ben furgal. her boy. AWESOME.
had donut fights and played handball
and had crazy hangout till five am with
jackie darren & ryan. it was really good.
this summer was great but it needs to end.
the joy luck club is a great book.
i love working at creative child.
and i love colleen hinton. and i'm so glad
me and her got really close this summer.
and i cant wait to stay at purchase.

<3
jess

Wed, 01 Sep 2004 04:45:16 GMT

fifty things i bet you don't know about me. [unless yr kate wadkins]

1 i am obsessed with sweet patterns
2 i admit to being an asshole but never take it seriously
3 i cut people off when i don't want to hear what they have to say
4 half of my "best friends" barely even see me let alone speak to me
5 i had a really ridiculous relationship with a boy and i regret it a lot
6 i'll tell everyone my life is awesome to the point i convince myself it is
but its really in shambles
7 i love making things for people i love dearly
8 i cleaned up my act and now i'm obsessed with keeping a neat room
9 i get really upset with my sister sometimes because she knows me better than
i know myself
10 up until a couple of months ago i didn't know if i was seriously sexually assualted or not
11 i hate going to shows for the most part but go anyway
12 i cant take anyones bullshit anymore
13 i used to be a door mat for anything that had legs. i let everyone walk all over me
14 i am the most stubborn person in the world and don't mind it that much
15 i hate holding hands i think its awkward
16 i hate most of my writing i think its cliche and corny
17 i cant cry infront of anyone
18 i love my sister more than anything breathing on this earth
19 i want to make a mix tape of really ridiculous songs on it. like stop right now by the spice girls and kissed by a rose who ever sang that.
20 i am on the internet way too often
21 i use the word love too lightly
22 i dont ever want to touch a boy "that way" ever again.
23 i never want to be in a relationship again. i think i ruin it. and its my fault. when it isnt
24 when someone fucks me over i just talk a lot of shit on them and never actually talk to them about it cause i am scared and awkward but usually i do when i amcomfortable with the person
25 i wish i could fly and think about buying some fairy dust and jumping out my window all the time
26 to this day the most moving book i have ever read is perks of being a wall flower
27 i love sandlot and can recite it word for word for you.
28 i have this ridiculous obsession with napoleon dynamite and long to be him.
29 i do wish me and my exboyfriend still talked. i havent figured out why
30 i love oreos and milk. and i love sweet potatoes. and i love eggs.
31 my mothers iced tea makes me feel better when i feel crazy talking to someone. it reminds me of home
32 my family is very amazing and i never say it enough.
33 i should go to therapy but i'm afraid to find out what is wrong with me.
34 i really fucked up in school and want to change that
35 i wish i was straight edge and vegetarian
36 if i see people moshing violently at a show i wont talk to them if they approach me because i hate moshing so much
37 my grandpa woggle is my hero and i desperately wish he was still alive
38. i am neighborhood oriented i still talk to my neighbors and/or am close with them
39. i have one kidney
40. i got pin worm this one time and it was the grosest thing ever and made me feel violated
41. i think scars are cool
42. womyns collective is the most positive thing that has happened to me this year
43. i procrastinate a lot
44. i wish my dog was an actual person. i would still cuddle and kiss him all the time and end up living with him because he is a total gay dog. he only humps men.
45. i often think about my friend leanna that moved to south carolina in first grade. i wonder where she is and what she is doing.
46. my moms side of the family are all irish,catholic,constervative,cop loving republicans with the exception of two people maybe three.
47. i hate most boys.
48. i hate highschool
49. i want to live in so many places just to experience it
50. i really dont like the way i act or speak or see myself. i think it has a lot to do with what my mother has taught me and my ridiculous insecurites.

Sun, 29 Aug 2004 15:52:24 GMT

kate is gone.
i miss her so much.
blegh.i;m going to visit her
so much this year. i finished
cleaning my room last night. and
recovered this table to look nicer.
it has lime green flowers on it.
my first break from school is
september 16 - 19. purhcase here i come!
ha.

la la love you.

Sat, 21 Aug 2004 22:20:23 GMT

i went to pennsylvania with my best friends for a while. it was wonderful.
i came home to my sister among many other people i love having a parttty.
a lot of people slept over and got realllly wasted. christine and i went
for a bike ride for two hours and talked about a lot of stuff. it was really
nice to have some one to talk about a lot of stuff with. summer came and went
and i think this was my favorite summer by far. kate leaves for purchase in a
little over a week i think.i don't want her to leave. but i'm going to visit
her all the time. i want to visit aidan all the time too. hes right in the city.
i'm going to miss so many people. its kind of upsetting how much my stomach
has been hurting thinking about it. ugh. life goes on right? no matter what
the earth never spins backwards. just gotta keep moving.

whatsssssuuuup

Mon, 16 Aug 2004 03:16:53 GMT

the she bang was wonderful. bought beautiful things from beautiful ladies. the womyn who played were great.the speakers were wonderful.i read with kate and lenny and it was awesome. i sold my braceletes. if any of you went helped or did anything thankyou so much it was probably one of the most wonderful expericences ever. <3

Sat, 14 Aug 2004 00:29:46 GMT

it would be so much easier if i didn't give such long answer to every question you know?

Mon, 02 Aug 2004 06:26:53 GMT

survey ass!

The \\
Last Cigarette: at this boy dan's party. it was probably one of the worst nights of my summer. nope it defentiely was the worst night of my summer.
Last Alcoholic Drink: rum in new england with my friend laura.uhhhh amazing? yes that trip was.
Last Car Ride: today with my dad to pick up my bike. my dad was singing to the rolling stones and he was really happy. i wish he was always that happy.
Last Kiss: on the lips? jacklyn deacon. on the cheek? chris deloach.goodnight kiss? my dad.
Last Good Cry: i don't cry anymore really. ehh kind of a rough subject?
Last Library Book: diary by chuck pulhniuk. i spelt that wrong. but i never spell anything right. none the less it was good.
Last book bought: 1984. only fifty cents at a garage sale.
Last Book Read: 1984 by george orwell.
Last Movie Seen in Theatres: the village. it was good. i liked it a lot.
Last Movie Rented: pulp fiction. i fell asleep watching it. ryan walsh really wanted to see it i had already seen it so it didn't matter you know?
Last Cuss Word Uttered: either some form of fuck.shit.or something ridiculous. i have a habit of cursing. its really ignorant of me.
Last Beverage Drank: my mom;s iced tea.
Last Food Consumed: chocolate carnival animal crackers.
Last Crush: charles p. betz ehhh.things happen.
Last Phone Call: i called david nebel to talk but he was out. his mom told me he would call me back buuuut hasn't since.
Last TV Show Watched: hmmmm. either law and order:SVU or i love the seventies on vee ech one.
Last Time Showered: last night after swimming in the longisland sound....NAKED! gasp.
Last Shoes Worn: my adidas sambas. they are falling apart but are still the most comfortable things ever.on top of it they smell like something crawled into my shoes.puked in them. and then died.
Last CD Played: the hot rock -----------> sleater kinney.
Last Item Bought: one of those 99 cent arizona cans. i got a rasberry iced tea one. i have figured thats one of the best deals ever.
Last Download: like titanic--------->damien jurado.
Last Annoyance: my brother screaming about losing a game of uno.
Last Disappointment: being grounded for breaking curfew due to bad directions and judgement on someone's part.you know the teenage bullshit. why shoud i even start explaining?
Last Soda Drank: cocacola. the only soda i drink really. i lied i drink rootbeer and orange soda.
Last Thing Written: i wrote something about distance and awkward situations in my journal.after that i wrote a to do list in my "planner".
Last Key Used: the period slash less than sign key.
Last Words Spoken: goodnight.
Last Sleep: last night for a while.
Last Ice Cream Eaten: ben & jerry's half baked motha fucka!
Last Chair Sat In: computer chair right now. before that the patio chair on my deck where my family and i played uno for 5 hours.
Last Webpage Visited: livejournal.com before that lifreespace.org/womyn ! visit that shit !

uh oh.

Mon, 08 Mar 2004 00:29:55 GMT

we left as skeletons.